At first, we drank and watched the parade walk by. The main room was a long, brick rectangle painted a moldy shade of red and with faux wood paneling under a chair rail. There were all these compact discs nailed to the wall and a stage near the bar with tragic hanging decorations. Natalia was belly-laughing just imagining some of the merchandising princesses we knew from work in this shithole. Later, much to my complete surprise when I came back from the bathroom, I saw Natalia was hitting on Roger, for which I had been hoping. Actually, if I am completely transparent, Natalia made out with Roger, to the point where I was fearful she was going to eat him. She was leaving a somewhat nauseating layer of spit all over Roger, but he certainly did not seem to mind as his hand was latched on to Natalia’s ass like Moses clutching the Ten Commandments. Nonetheless, it did warm my heart that Natalia was finally paying attention to a guy. I would say “any guy”, but we all have standards, especially Natalia. I never totally understood her contemptuous attitude towards meeting guys and dating. Natalia was always yearning to date a guy her age that was just as smart but weirdly more successful than her. Why? I asked her. Why? It seemed a ridiculous conceit since finding a guy smarter than Natalia was as likely as both of us getting hit by a meteor. Taking a step back, we all know that regardless of how progressive our parents might or might not be, contemporary society still molds us into these Disney princess wannabes waiting for some Prince Charming. I probably should find this thought totally appalling but it’s hard to constantly push against global expectations. I guess who wouldn’t like someone handsome and rich swooping in and showering us with gobs of money and great sex? But come on… not fucking likely.
Finally, we left the bar and got to the beach. Once we were at the party, I looked across the scabrous and filthy sand and standing there in a supernatural glow was one of the most peculiar sights I have ever seen. A tall, voluptuous, perfect Abba drag look-alike, with thick long blonde hair cut in a sassy bob, was prancing in the dance area dressed in pristine white. She was wearing a beautiful, full blouse and pants that were snug without being slutty. Naturally, I had to get closer and as I approached her with a drink in hand, I noticed she was using thick slabs of foundation vainly trying to hide a most unfortunate complexion. The Abba queen was flirtatiously batting her makeup encrusted eyes at another drag queen who was dressed in a red, sequined pantsuit that screamed Tammy Faye. With dramatic flair, Abba spun towards Tammy Faye and grabbed her in an amorous clutch, and they started tonguing each other. Now far be it from me to pass judgement, but I was, it just seemed unhygienic and frankly it was going to ruin the foundation job.
Just when I started to turn away and give them privacy, they both, as if in a dream, turned and stared at me. I stood there motionless and at that very moment I felt as if Abba and Tammy Faye really saw Jaddie and understood me. I just knew that they could see through my shield of professional confidence into my deep romantic insecurities and even into the slight sadness that I felt since I was emotionally alone this evening. They smiled beatifically at me, separated, and encircled me as they started gyrating and dancing in a hypnotic frenzy. I felt connected to them spiritually as I also started to hop and bounce. I just knew that I was communing with Abba and could sense her warmth and love projecting towards me as we disassociated from the chaos around us. Around and around, we went, when finally, Abba fiercely grabbed and massaged my left boob. Realizing that I was about to urinate or laugh, I quickly disentangled myself and promptly splattered onto the polluted, grainy sands of Copacabana. A hand reached out and touched my elbow, which caused me to finally snap, and scream in a fit of disillusioned rage. As I looked up to see my potential defiler, it was Paulo. Paulo!!! It was the guy I was missing all evening. There he was, my own Prince Charming… but with a slightly frumpy and trashy looking Snow White at his side. What the fuck??!? Here I was, splayed on the beach, hysterical, bathed in sticky gin and a sandy handprint on my chest and Paulo, the guy I wanted so much to impress and be with, was at this party with another girl. I threw his hand off and like a drunken heffa lurched back up on my hoofs. He was speechless, not surprising, and as I glared at him and Snow Putrid, I have to admit there was this flash of jealousy that spiked out of my cold, black heart. He gulped and immediately introduced me to his sister Fernanda. In a dignified manner, total self-delusion, I grimaced sweetly and tried to explain that I was here with some friends.